How to Break up With a Friend
Quite commonly when a relationship fails we feel guilty and ashamed. But when the relationship is no longer worth saving it.s time to say goodbye. The goal is to do as gracefully and as kind as possible. Part of this decision is understanding what has influenced the person to make this decision. This can certainly help when saying goodbye, especially when it takes more than one breakup with the person. Part of building up to this point is carefully making a decision that is not done without careful consideration and you are not acting when you are dysregulated.
Carefully delivering a message in a mode of communication that you feel comfortable with is important. This may be in person, text, or email. Considering the timing of the delivery of the message is also important. Consider where that person is physically (i.e. at work) and if they are going to be caught off guard. Perhaps letting them know you have something difficult to share may be helpful and considerate. They may also see it coming and simple conversation may be sufficient.
Choosing your mode of communication will also depend on the situation. If they are angry or confrontational, you may not want to choose to deliver the message via telephone or in person. A text or email may be best in these situations. If you do choose to write a message, consider that other people may read it as well and you may not want to include information that you don't want others to see.
It's important to consider what kindness means to you and how best to be compassionate to your friend when ending it. Even if they hurt you. Saying goodbye is hard on both parties. This may mean being honest about how you feel and consider just being direct. There is no need to be hurtful or blame at this point. You may even want to consider telling a white lie to help deliver the message. Lastly, any attachment you have with someone will continue to grow the more you connect with them. This means that the next phase of letting go is detaching - not answering their texts or phone calls and moving on.
For more information or support, find out how our Psychologist services can help.
Depression and Beck's Triad Model
Feeling sad or ‘down in the dumps’ is normal to experience, but for some these feelings of intense sadness can last for days and weeks, which at times lead to symptoms of depression. The World Health Organization (WHO 2015), states that depression is one of the most common medical disorders worldwide.
What are the symptoms of depression?
According to the DSM-5, symptoms of depression consist of continual sadness, loss of interest in daily activities, feelings of fatigue, helplessness, worthlessness, as well as loss of sleep and noticeable weight loss or weight gain (WHO 2015). Depression may be so severe that it can put one’s life at risk. Up to 15% of people diagnosed with major depressive disorder, are more likely to attempt suicide and die as a result (Harrington 2013, pg. 234). If a person has experienced being majorly depressed once before, they have an 80% chance of relapse. One variable that may help prevent relapse is adopting healthier coping skills.
What are different types of depression?
According to the DSM-5, there are different types of depression:
- Major depression
- Chronic depression
- Bipolar depression
- Seasonal depression (SAD or seasonal affective disorder)
- Psychotic depression
- Postpartum depression
- Substance-induced mood disorder (SIMD)
How does someone develop depression?
Depression is a disorder that can develop from multiple etiologies including genetics and environmental influences. One may be genetically disposed, but it typically takes a stressor or life event to trigger the onset of symptoms. This theory is better known as the Diathesis-Stress Model.
What is the simplified model of Beck’s Triad Theory of Depression?
Aaron T. Beck is one of the most well known psychiatrists of his time and his work remains highly researched to this day (Hunsley and Lee 2010). He suggests that depression is likely influenced by a streamline of negative thoughts, which he titled automatic thoughts. Beck devised the cognitive triad to better explain how automatic thoughts influence a person’s mood. The cognitive triad is comprised of three forms of negative thinking that occur spontaneously and continuously. The triad suggests that if an individual's outlook is negative in any of these domains, they may be at risk for symptoms of depression.
Negative views of one’s self (Ex: I am ugly) à
Negative views of one’s world (Ex: No one wants to go out with me) à
Negative views of one’s future (Ex: I will never find anyone because I am ugly and no one wants to go out with me)
Beck argues that by challenging these negative thoughts an individual can experience new feelings and beliefs. The goal of treatment is to provide the client with the tools and resources necessary to challenge their thoughts autonomously.
What is CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Depression?
CBT is a therapeutic modality created by Aaron T. Beck to help individual’s challenge negative thinking by creating more balanced and realistic thoughts about themselves and triggering situations. (Hunsley and Lee 2010). He argues that conscious thoughts are based on deeper subconscious thoughts that are being activated. These subconscious thoughts influence feelings that can sometimes be overwhelming. The goal of this treatment is to reduce maladaptive/negative thinking (conscious/subconscious) by challenging distorted thoughts and behaviours.
References Used:
- Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. (2012). Depression.
- Harrington, R. (2013). Stress, Health and Well-being: Thriving in the 21st century. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.
- Hunsley, J., & Lee, C. M. (2010). Introduction to clinical psychology: An evidence-based approach John Wiley & Sons.
- World Health Organization. (2015). Depression.
Four Barriers Why Young Adults May Choose Not to Attend Counselling
Written by Student Volunteer Writer, Zeena Wong Western University
Department of Psychology and Family Studies
Many young adults want to seek counselling, but may choose not to for various reasons. I remember going to a counsellor for the first time in grade eleven. Although, I knew that seeing a counsellor was the right decision, I was initially hesitant about speaking to someone. I spent a lot of time contemplating why I shouldn’t go.
