Picture this: you're scrolling through a mental health app, and instead of a blank chatbot interface, you see a warm smile, kind eyes, and hear a gentle voice offering support. Feels more comforting, right? But what happens when we dress up artificial intelligence to look and sound human, especially when it comes to something as personal as therapy?
A recent study dove deep into this question by asking 20 young adults to create their ideal AI psychologist using Character AI, a popular platform where users can design chatbot personalities. What researchers discovered reveals fascinating truths about how we relate to technology and the hidden biases shaping these digital relationships.
Infidelity remains one of the most devastating experiences a couple can face, and it continues to be a leading cause of divorce in modern society. Despite our best efforts to understand and address it, cheating persists as a complex challenge that affects countless relationships each year.
What Counts as Infidelity?
While researchers still debate the exact definition, infidelity generally refers to breaking the sexual fidelity agreement in a committed relationship. It can take different forms. Sexual infidelity involves physical intimacy with someone outside the relationship, while emotional infidelity occurs when a partner redirects their time, affection, and emotional energy away from their primary partner without necessarily engaging in physical contact.
The rise of technology has introduced new dimensions to this age-old problem. Pornography and cybersex now represent modern forms of betrayal that can threaten the stability of relationships. Regardless of the specific type, all infidelity involves sharing intimacy with someone else without your partner's consent.
How Common Is Cheating?
Getting accurate statistics on infidelity is challenging because people often hesitate to admit their involvement in surveys. However, research suggests that approximately 25% of married women and 50% of married men have engaged in adultery at least once during their marriage. The high divorce rate, with over 55% of American marriages ending in divorce, provides another indicator of how widespread the issue has become.
Why Do People Cheat?
Two main theories help explain infidelity from different perspectives.
The evolutionary theory suggests that men and women worry about different types of betrayal based on biological imperatives. Men tend to feel more threatened by physical infidelity because of concerns about paternity and raising children who aren't genetically theirs. Women, on the other hand, typically feel more distressed by emotional infidelity because they fear their partner might redirect resources away from them and their children or abandon them entirely.
Research supports these gender differences, showing that women generally find emotional cheating more upsetting, while men view physical infidelity as more damaging to the relationship.
The double-shot theory describes a common pattern where discovering infidelity triggers assumptions and reactions. When someone discovers their partner has cheated, they often assume both emotional and physical betrayal occurred, even if only one type actually happened. Women are particularly likely to interpret emotional infidelity as including sexual intimacy. In some cases, the betrayed partner responds by engaging in similar behavior, creating a cycle of mutual betrayal.
Healing After Betrayal
Recovering from infidelity is possible, but it requires structured support and commitment from both partners. Treatment approaches typically involve three main stages addressing cognitive, behavioral, and emotional aspects of the trauma.
Effective therapy for infidelity includes recognizing the traumatic impact of the betrayal, developing relationship skills to manage the pain and make informed decisions, understanding what internal and external factors made the relationship vulnerable to cheating, and building the emotional and cognitive skills necessary for genuine forgiveness and moving forward.
Forgiveness plays a central role in recovery, but it's often misunderstood. Many people resist forgiving because they view it as a sign of weakness or fear it will excuse the behavior. Others worry that forgiving will signal acceptance of future betrayals. Therapists need to help clients understand that forgiveness is a process, not a single event or decision.
What Therapists Need to Know
The immediate aftermath of discovering infidelity typically involves intense emotions including shock, sadness, anger, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty concentrating. During this early phase, traditional counseling advice often falls flat because the betrayed partner is too emotionally overwhelmed to think rationally.
Therapists should first focus on helping couples manage their anxiety and create a safe space for healing. Only after the initial shock and anger have subsided can counselors effectively help couples decide how they want to move forward. Both partners need genuine empathy for their concerns, and they should actively participate in setting their own treatment goals.
Importantly, therapists must also examine their own beliefs, biases, and emotions about infidelity to provide truly neutral and helpful support.
Looking Ahead
While we've learned much about infidelity and how to treat it, significant gaps remain in our understanding. The field lacks a universally accepted definition of infidelity, which makes comparing research studies difficult. The reported rates of cheating vary widely depending on how researchers collect their data.
One area that deserves more attention is the impact of social media on fidelity. As our digital lives become increasingly intertwined with our relationships, new forms of betrayal continue to emerge. Future research should focus on developing therapeutic interventions specifically designed to address these modern challenges, including cybersex and online emotional affairs.
Understanding infidelity requires recognizing its complexity and the deep pain it causes. While the path to recovery is difficult, with proper support and commitment, many couples do find ways to rebuild trust and move forward, whether together or apart.
Infidelity remains one of the most devastating experiences a couple can face, and it continues to be a leading cause of divorce in modern society. Despite our best efforts to understand and address it, cheating persists as a complex challenge that affects countless relationships each year.
What Counts as Infidelity?
While researchers still debate the exact definition, infidelity generally refers to breaking the sexual fidelity agreement in a committed relationship. It can take different forms. Sexual infidelity involves physical intimacy with someone outside the relationship, while emotional infidelity occurs when a partner redirects their time, affection, and emotional energy away from their primary partner without necessarily engaging in physical contact.
The rise of technology has introduced new dimensions to this age-old problem. Pornography and cybersex now represent modern forms of betrayal that can threaten the stability of relationships. Regardless of the specific type, all infidelity involves sharing intimacy with someone else without your partner's consent.
How Common Is Cheating?
Getting accurate statistics on infidelity is challenging because people often hesitate to admit their involvement in surveys. However, research suggests that approximately 25% of married women and 50% of married men have engaged in adultery at least once during their marriage. The high divorce rate, with over 55% of American marriages ending in divorce, provides another indicator of how widespread the issue has become.
Why Do People Cheat?
Two main theories help explain infidelity from different perspectives.
The evolutionary theory suggests that men and women worry about different types of betrayal based on biological imperatives. Men tend to feel more threatened by physical infidelity because of concerns about paternity and raising children who aren't genetically theirs. Women, on the other hand, typically feel more distressed by emotional infidelity because they fear their partner might redirect resources away from them and their children or abandon them entirely.
Research supports these gender differences, showing that women generally find emotional cheating more upsetting, while men view physical infidelity as more damaging to the relationship.
The double-shot theory describes a common pattern where discovering infidelity triggers assumptions and reactions. When someone discovers their partner has cheated, they often assume both emotional and physical betrayal occurred, even if only one type actually happened. Women are particularly likely to interpret emotional infidelity as including sexual intimacy. In some cases, the betrayed partner responds by engaging in similar behavior, creating a cycle of mutual betrayal.
Healing After Betrayal
Recovering from infidelity is possible, but it requires structured support and commitment from both partners. Treatment approaches typically involve three main stages addressing cognitive, behavioral, and emotional aspects of the trauma.
Effective therapy for infidelity includes recognizing the traumatic impact of the betrayal, developing relationship skills to manage the pain and make informed decisions, understanding what internal and external factors made the relationship vulnerable to cheating, and building the emotional and cognitive skills necessary for genuine forgiveness and moving forward.
Forgiveness plays a central role in recovery, but it's often misunderstood. Many people resist forgiving because they view it as a sign of weakness or fear it will excuse the behavior. Others worry that forgiving will signal acceptance of future betrayals. Therapists need to help clients understand that forgiveness is a process, not a single event or decision.
What Therapists Need to Know
The immediate aftermath of discovering infidelity typically involves intense emotions including shock, sadness, anger, intrusive thoughts, and difficulty concentrating. During this early phase, traditional counseling advice often falls flat because the betrayed partner is too emotionally overwhelmed to think rationally.
Therapists should first focus on helping couples manage their anxiety and create a safe space for healing. Only after the initial shock and anger have subsided can counselors effectively help couples decide how they want to move forward. Both partners need genuine empathy for their concerns, and they should actively participate in setting their own treatment goals.
Importantly, therapists must also examine their own beliefs, biases, and emotions about infidelity to provide truly neutral and helpful support.
While we've learned much about infidelity and how to treat it, significant gaps remain in our understanding. The field lacks a universally accepted definition of infidelity, which makes comparing research studies difficult. The reported rates of cheating vary widely depending on how researchers collect their data.
One area that deserves more attention is the impact of social media on fidelity. As our digital lives become increasingly intertwined with our relationships, new forms of betrayal continue to emerge. Future research should focus on developing therapeutic interventions specifically designed to address these modern challenges, including cybersex and online emotional affairs.
Understanding infidelity requires recognizing its complexity and the deep pain it causes. While the path to recovery is difficult, with proper support and commitment, many couples do find ways to rebuild trust and move forward, whether together or apart.
Zhao, J., & Tadros, E. (2025). Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity for Justice-Involved Couples: An Emotionally Focused Therapy Case Study. The Family Journal, 10664807251329573.
Marriage remains an essential institution in contemporary society, yet it has undergone significant changes over time, particularly regarding durability and partners' adherence to marital vows. A recent study in Nigeria examined whether two psychological factors, emotional intelligence and narcissistic personality traits, could predict marital infidelity among couples married for up to five years.
Understanding the Research Focus
Infidelity represents a breach of trust in committed relationships, manifesting as unreliability and cheating despite an agreement of exclusivity. What constitutes infidelity varies across cultures and depends on the specific dynamics of each relationship. Research suggests that infidelity occurs in 20% to 40% of marriages, indicating a significant number of people affected by unfaithfulness.
The study focused on two psychological characteristics that might influence whether someone engages in marital infidelity. Emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to recognize, manage, and appraise emotions, both in oneself and others. It encompasses four primary abilities: perceiving and expressing emotions, using emotions to enhance thinking, understanding emotions, and regulating emotions.
Narcissism, characterized by excessive focus on oneself, inflated self importance, and lack of empathy, represents the other focus. Research has consistently demonstrated that individuals with narcissistic traits are more inclined to engage in extramarital affairs. These individuals often prioritize sexual relationships outside their committed partnerships and hold permissive attitudes toward casual encounters.
The Study's Approach
Researchers surveyed 200 married couples from Makurdi, Nigeria, who had been married for up to five years. The sample consisted of slightly more women than men, with an average age in the late twenties. Participants represented various ethnic and religious backgrounds, creating a diverse sample that reflected the local population.
The research team used established psychological scales to measure emotional intelligence, narcissistic personality traits, and marital infidelity. The cross sectional design allowed researchers to gather data at a specific point in time and examine relationships between these variables.
Key Findings
The research revealed three significant findings. First, emotional intelligence significantly predicted marital infidelity among the couples studied. This relationship accounted for about 5% of the variance in infidelity behaviors. The finding was somewhat surprising because previous research has typically shown that higher emotional intelligence correlates with greater marital satisfaction.
However, the connection between emotional intelligence and infidelity may operate differently than its relationship with satisfaction. Low emotional intelligence may hinder someone's ability to understand and respond to their partner's emotional needs, potentially leading to dissatisfaction and vulnerability to infidelity.
Second, narcissistic personality traits significantly predicted marital infidelity, accounting for about 17% of the variance. This finding aligns with existing research showing that narcissistic individuals often prioritize their own desires over their partner's feelings. Their self centered nature, permissiveness toward casual encounters, low empathy, and lack of commitment collectively heighten the risk of engaging in extramarital affairs.
Narcissistic individuals often exhibit high levels of exploitativeness and low empathy. This combination may lead them to be more deceptive in seeking alternative partners, prioritizing their own desires above their partner's emotional wellbeing. Furthermore, narcissism is associated with lack of commitment to relationships, which increases the likelihood of infidelity.
Third, when emotional intelligence and narcissistic personality traits were examined together, they jointly predicted marital infidelity, accounting for nearly 19% of the variance. This suggests that both factors contribute independently to infidelity risk, and their combined influence provides a more complete picture than either factor alone.
Theoretical Context
The findings can be understood through two theoretical frameworks. Attachment theory suggests that early experiences with caregivers shape attachment styles that influence adult relationships. Individuals with insecure attachment styles may be more likely to seek emotional fulfillment outside their marriage. Emotional intelligence and narcissistic traits could interact with attachment styles, influencing how people navigate relationships and their vulnerabilities to infidelity.
Social exchange theory posits that people engage in relationships based on cost benefit analysis, seeking to maximize rewards and minimize costs. In this framework, individuals might weigh potential benefits of extramarital affairs, such as excitement or emotional fulfillment, against perceived costs like guilt or relationship dissolution. Emotional intelligence may influence how effectively people assess these costs and benefits, while narcissistic traits may skew perceptions in favor of personal gratification.
The Connection Between the Two Factors
There appears to be a parallel between emotional intelligence and narcissism that may influence marital infidelity. Both involve empathy, though in different ways. Low emotional intelligence may limit someone's ability to understand their partner's emotional needs. Similarly, narcissistic individuals may disregard their partner's emotions while prioritizing their own desires.
Despite these connections, emotional intelligence encompasses a broader spectrum of skills, including emotional awareness and effective communication, while narcissism is primarily characterized by self centeredness. The shared deficiency in empathy may help explain how these factors intersect to influence infidelity.
Practical Implications
The research offers several practical recommendations. For couples, improving communication skills and understanding of each other's emotions is vital. Effective communication can help navigate conflicts and challenges more constructively. Couples should also reflect on their behaviors and tendencies, especially regarding narcissistic traits, as self awareness can foster healthier relationships.
Marriage institutions can offer comprehensive premarital counseling programs that include discussions on emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, and relationship expectations. These programs can better prepare couples for challenges they may face. Support services for couples experiencing marital difficulties, including counseling tailored to address issues related to emotional intelligence and narcissistic traits, can also help.
At a societal level, allocating resources to support initiatives promoting healthy relationships and reducing marital discord becomes important. This could include funding for relationship education programs and mental health services. Policies that protect individuals from emotional abuse or manipulation within relationships may also address issues related to narcissistic behaviors.
Cultural Context
This study took place in a specific cultural context in Nigeria, where marriage is viewed as an essential life commitment across numerous cultures. Traditional views hold marriage as a lifelong union, with implicit expectations of faithfulness. Understanding how psychological factors influence infidelity within this context provides valuable insights for both local practitioners and broader relationship research.
The diversity of the sample, including various ethnic groups and educational backgrounds, strengthens the findings. However, cultural variations in what constitutes infidelity and relationship expectations should be considered when interpreting results.
Further research is needed to deepen understanding of the dynamics between emotional intelligence, narcissism, and marital infidelity. Future studies should explore potential interventions and strategies for prevention. Collaboration between researchers, practitioners, and policymakers to develop evidence based interventions promoting healthy relationships and reducing infidelity prevalence remains crucial.
The findings underscore that successful intimate relationships require strong communication skills, attentiveness to one's partner's perspective, empathetic understanding of their experiences, and sensitivity to their needs. While educational intelligence alone may not ensure marital success, emotional intelligence appears vital for fostering healthy relationships.
This research adds to growing evidence that personality traits and emotional capabilities play significant roles in relationship outcomes. By understanding these factors, couples, counselors, and institutions can work toward strengthening marriages and reducing the prevalence of infidelity.
Ajala, B. S., Ehondor, E. G., Atunwa, S. A., & Uye, E. E. Explaining Marital Infidelity among Married Women using Personality Traits and Financial Well-being.
