How CBT can Help in Couples Counselling
Families are more than just a collection of individuals, they function as interconnected systems where each member influences and is influenced by the thoughts, emotions, and behaviours of others. This idea, rooted in systems theory and cognitive behavioural psychology, suggests that understanding a family’s overall dynamic requires examining both the individual members and how they interact.
Over time, as family members observe one another’s reactions and behaviours, they develop assumptions about their relationships. These assumptions evolve into deeply ingrained mental frameworks, shaping how they respond to one another (Dattillio 2010). For instance, a child who grows up in a highly critical environment may assume that love is conditional, leading to behaviours that either seek approval or avoid vulnerability.
This constant interplay between thoughts, emotions, and behaviours creates the foundation for family dynamics. Recognizing these patterns can be the key to improving communication, resolving conflicts, and fostering healthier relationships within the family unit. After all, when one part of the system shifts, it can create a ripple effect, transforming the entire family experience.
Beyond individual thoughts and perceptions, family dynamics are shaped by shared beliefs, what can be called a family schema. These deeply ingrained perspectives develop over years of interaction, influencing how family members relate to one another and interpret their experiences. Rather than focusing solely on individual cognition, it’s essential to examine these collective beliefs, as they serve as the foundation for family behaviours, traditions, and emotional responses. Understanding and reshaping these schemas can be key to fostering healthier family relationships.
In any relationship, we are constantly filtering information selectively, focusing on certain details while overlooking others. This is a natural part of human cognition, but it also opens the door for biased perceptions, particularly between partners. Our brains rely on attributions and expectations to interpret a partner’s behavior and predict future actions. However, when these assumptions are incorrect—such as attributing a mistake to malicious intent rather than misunderstanding—they can create unnecessary conflict and resentment. Likewise, misjudging how a partner will react to our own actions can lead to tension and miscommunication. All of these need to be examined with me in session. As a psychologist, I work with couples to understand each variable influencing the dysfunctional behaviour in the relationship and create a plan for healing. This is done by helping clients recognize that not all assumptions are harmful. Many are essential for healthy relationships, like shared values and moral standards that guide behavior. However, rigid or unrealistic expectations can be damaging, leading to interactions that feel unfair or unbalanced. Recognizing and adjusting these mental filters can help couples navigate their relationships with more understanding, patience, and emotional clarity.
Dattilio, F. M. (2010).Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A comprehensive guide for clinicians.The Guilford Press.
