How do I control my anger immediately?

I get asked this question quite often. Individuals who experience anger should consider looking at it from a broader context. This means evaluating how situations, environmental influences, thoughts, behaviours, and emotions influence your anger. Before we talk about how to control your anger immediately, it's important to be aware of the physiological symptoms that come just before you know you are about to become angry. Your body may experience increased heart rate and blood pressure, rapid breathing, tight muscles, sweating, dry mouth, and shaking. This can help you notice when you are about to get angry and be a good indicator that it may be best for you to step away and calm yourself down. I know that when my partner is about to get upset, she opens her mouth slightly. I know this is enough of a sign for me to excuse myself and revisit the conversation or situation when the time is right, and she's much more regulated. To understand your early signs of anger, you may have to write down some of these symptoms the next time you are in a difficult situation.

I do recommend that when you are angry, you consider separating yourself from the situation until you are ready to resume in a healthy manner (if possible). This may mean excusing yourself politely or explaining to the person that you need to step away until you are ready to discuss the situation again or return to the situation to address it (if possible).

Many individuals use breathing strategies to help calm themselves down when they are dysregulated. Calming exercises should be practiced regularly so that they are effective when needed. Breathing deeply from your diaphragm while counting your inhales and exhales could help you slow your breathing down and calm the body. I recommend a 4-second inhale and a 6-second exhale with a 2-second pause (please consult with your healthcare team to determine the best deep breathing approach for you). Ensure you are not breathing from your chest and focus on breathing from your stomach.

Take a minute to exercise or walk around to release the pent-up energy. This could mean separating yourself by going for a walk or run if possible.

Call a friend. Sometimes, talking about the situation with someone can help you return to your baseline. If someone is not available, you can always journal how you feel by writing down how you feel on a piece of paper or on your smartphone.

Use self-talk to help you regulate yourself. Ask yourself questions such as, 'is this really worth it?" or "is getting angry about this really worth it?" Of course, these are simple responses that I would recommend if you were not engaged in a counselling program. If you were engaged in a counselling program, the self-talk you would use would be quite different, and it would include a lot more challenges around the standards you create for yourself and others.

If you would like more information, find out how a psychologist can help. We are located in Vaughan, Ontario.