Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and adjust emotions in a way that shapes how we experience the world, connect with others, and find meaning in life. It plays a key role in mental well-being, influencing how we react to situations and handle challenges.
Our emotions help us interpret both external events, like a conversation with a friend, and internal experiences, such as memories or thoughts. By regulating emotions effectively, we can stay balanced, focus our attention where it’s needed, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. Often, in therapy, emotions run high. At times, regulation becomes difficult and could monopolize the session. Working on your emotions becomes one of the most important skills to learn when engaging in couples counselling. In my role as a psychologist, we work to help you build skills to become better aware of your emotions and how best to resolve conflict when you are feeling upset and frustrated.
When emotions run high, the need to feel understood becomes strongest. These are also the moments when people feel most vulnerable. This emotional intensity can lead to frustration, causing some to lash out physically or shut down completely when they feel unheard.
In relationships, whether with a partner or family member, feeling dismissed can trigger a powerful reaction. Some respond with anger, while others retreat in silence. These reactions often create distance instead of resolution, making meaningful communication even harder.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward breaking it. Taking a moment to listen, acknowledge emotions, and express feelings calmly can transform conflict into connection.
In the session, we work on helping people come to understand when they are about to become dysregulated. Our bodies send us signals to help us better understand what is happening both on a physical and cognitive level. These physiological symptoms can help us prepare for dysregulation. I often recommend in counselling that people become aware of these physiological symptoms and take a break from the conversation for the purposes of regulating. Turning to regulation skills can help with returning to baseline. Deep breathing and going for a walk can help manage the flood of emotions. You are only to return when all of your physiological symptoms have reduced. No good resolutions can come when you are dysregulated.
Strong emotional regulation supports healthier relationships, better decision-making, and a greater sense of control over life’s ups and downs. Learning to navigate emotions can transform not only how we feel but also how we interact with the world around us.
