The way people connect in relationships is shaped by their attachment style, which influences thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and even physical responses. Attachment patterns begin in childhood, based on early experiences with parents or caregivers, and continue to evolve in romantic relationships. In my psychological sessions with couples, I help them better understand their attachment style and work on helping clients understand how to be vulnerable in their relationship (Dattilio 2010).
Researchers Hazan and Shaver (1987) introduced the idea that adults form deep emotional bonds with romantic partners, shaping their expectations of love and connection. Later, Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) expanded this concept, identifying four main attachment styles (Dattilio 2010):
Secure – People with a secure attachment see themselves as worthy of love and trust others. They are comfortable with both intimacy and independence, leading to healthier relationships.
Preoccupied – Those with this style have a negative self-image but view others positively. They tend to become overly dependent on relationships, seeking validation from their partners.
Fearful-Avoidant – This attachment style combines a negative view of both oneself and others. People with this pattern often fear closeness and avoid deep relationships to protect themselves from potential hurt.
Dismissing – Individuals with a dismissing attachment view themselves positively but see others as unreliable. They prioritize independence and may avoid intimacy altogether.
Why Attachment Style Matters in Love
Studies have found a strong link between attachment style and relationship satisfaction. Couples with secure attachments tend to experience more happiness and stability. On the other hand, insecure attachment styles can lead to challenges in communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intimacy (Dattilio 2010).
For instance, people with insecure attachment often react more negatively to their partner’s mistakes, showing higher levels of hostility and difficulty in forgiving (Dattilio 2010). These patterns can make it harder to resolve conflicts and build long-term commitment.
Understanding attachment styles can help individuals and couples improve their relationships. By recognizing patterns and working toward a more secure connection, partners can foster trust, improve communication, and strengthen their emotional bond.
References:
Dattilio, F. M. (2010).Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A comprehensive guide for clinicians.The Guilford Press.
