There is a process of grief that the individual needs to experience when going through this process. When a person enters into a relationship there is this vision of how they see the relationship progressing into the future. When the relationship fails (romantically and platonically) there is a loss of a dream that that person had hoped for. The other person is also experiencing this grief- no matter how they choose to process it. Meeting them with compassion, kindness, and empathy is imperative to maintaining the friendship or staying goodbye.
Quite commonly when a relationship fails we feel guilty and ashamed. But when the relationship is no longer worth saving it.s time to say goodbye. The goal is to do as gracefully and as kind as possible. Part of this decision is understanding what has influenced the person to make this decision. This can certainly help when saying goodbye, especially when it takes more than one breakup with the person. Part of building up to this point is carefully making a decision that is not done without careful consideration and you are not acting when you are dysregulated.
Carefully delivering a message in a mode of communication that you feel comfortable with is important. This may be in person, text, or email. Considering the timing of the delivery of the message is also important. Consider where that person is physically (i.e. at work) and if they are going to be caught off guard. Perhaps letting them know you have something difficult to share may be helpful and considerate. They may also see it coming and simple conversation may be sufficient.
Choosing your mode of communication will also depend on the situation. If they are angry or confrontational, you may not want to choose to deliver the message via telephone or in person. A text or email may be best in these situations. If you do choose to write a message, consider that other people may read it as well and you may not want to include information that you don't want others to see.
It's important to consider what kindness means to you and how best to be compassionate to your friend when ending it. Even if they hurt you. Saying goodbye is hard on both parties. This may mean being honest about how you feel and consider just being direct. There is no need to be hurtful or blame at this point. You may even want to consider telling a white lie to help deliver the message. Lastly, any attachment you have with someone will continue to grow the more you connect with them. This means that the next phase of letting go is detaching - not answering their texts or phone calls and moving on.
For more information or support, find out how our Psychologist services can help.
