I think I have an anger issue. What can I do?
Part of the work I do at my clinic is to help identify if you have an anger issue. There are many issues that may influence you to lose your anger, and it's part of my job to help you understand if it's a physical issue or an emotional regulation issue. Managing your anger is something we can help provide treatment for, and it's done with great success. If treatment is not an option for you at this time, there are great psychoeducational resources available to help you with getting ahead with this.
Some of my favourite resources include:
The Dance of Anger by Lerner
When Anger Hurts by McKay
For parents:
The Whole Brain Child by Siegel
How do I control my anger?
Sometimes, anger can get the best of us. Generally, most of us dislike the feeling of it and its presence in our lives. However, my philosophy is that there isn’t anything wrong with anger. It’s an important signal that tells us that something’s wrong. With the right resources, you can learn to control anger, express yourself more effectively, and avoid conflict. I help people understand that anger is considered a secondary emotion (see picture below). This means that there are likely other feelings you have regarding the situation that are influencing you to feel angry. When you are aware of these feelings, it's much easier to observe the thoughts you have about what is making you angry. Sometimes, this requires the assistance of a psychologist to figure out what is influencing those thoughts. Once you are able to challenge those thoughts and learn emotional regulation skills, it's much easier to manage with controlling your anger.
What does therapy look like for controlling my anger and temper?
When I work with my patients who struggle with anger, I introduce them to a therapy called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. The goal of therapy is to better understand how your emotions, thoughts, behaviours and environment all influence each other. That means that it's not simply the emotion of anger that we work on; we put efforts into figuring out what is contributing to you feeling the way you do that is influencing you to have less patience and bandwidth to manage the small stressors that come up throughout life. We also look at the behaviours you choose that influence you to react the way you do in a situation where emotions are high. Here is a detailed breakdown of what we will work on:
- Meditation is a mandatory component of the work we do
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) specific to anger
- Emotional Regulation Skills
- Improving problem-solving skills
- Reframing standards and expectations
- Family Therapy
How do I stop my anger when it happens?
We work on developing strategies to help you become aware of triggers that may influence your anger and how to implement strategies to help with the situation. There are specific strategies that are taught specifically to help manage the physiological reaction you have with anger, but I will also teach you how important it is to create separation mentally, even if you are not able to leave the situation. Sometimes, this means playing music and keeping it on in the background when you are present in a situation that may be triggering. Other times, this may mean taking a step away and disengaging in the situation until you are ready to reengage.
Why am I angry all the time? What causes anger?
The way we think can influence how we feel. Many of my patients struggle with a cognitive distortion called 'musts, oughts, and shoulds.' This means that they believe that people should be doing things a certain way, ought to have done it the way you perceive it to be done, and should be doing things the way you think it should be done. When you hold on to this belief, you are bound to be upset. If you hold this standard for others, you are more likely to hold this standard for yourself as well, and this will only further leave you with little room to deal with other stressors in your life.
Many people who struggle with perfectionism experience difficulties with anger and irritability. I can further assess to see if this is a concern by using tools and resources available to me as a Psychologist.
Other mental health concerns that need to be ruled out:
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Depression
- Anxiety Disorders
- Bipolar Disorder
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Antisocial Personality Disorder
- Intermittent Explosive Disorder
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- ADHD
- Substance Use Disorder
- Psychotic Disorder
There are also physical health concerns that need to be ruled out, including hormonal imbalances, chronic pain or illness, brain injury, stress, socioeconomic challenges and sleep deprivation.
What are the signs of an anger problem?
If your anger is affecting a certain area of your life, then I do believe it's a problem that should be considered worked on.
You will work directly with a professionally trained therapist in a safe, non-judgmental, confidential space.
If you have any questions, please feel free to call 416-999-3437.
Our Vaughan counselling centre is here to help!
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