I have compiled a list of contributing factors that may influence an affair. Here are some examples I have seen both in my practice as a psychologist and in the literature.
The couple’s relationship:
- Frequent arguments or unresolved issues
- Lack of emotional closeness
- Little time devoted to fun activities that both partners enjoy
- Little physical intimacy
- Unmet expectations
- Difficulty balancing the goals of the relationship with personal goals
Influences outside of the relationship:
- High work or family demands/responsibilities
- Too many extracurricular activities (excluding partner)
- Stress from various sources (e.g. illness, financial, extended family)
- Too much time spent with individuals who don’t support the relationship
- Too little time is spent with individuals who support the relationship
- Exposure to situations which provide an opportunity for outside emotional or sexual involvement.
Aspects of the participating partner:
- Self-doubt and vulnerability
- High desire for individuals outside of the relationship
- Participating in behaviours that contribute to difficulty in maintaining a healthy relationship.
- Personal beliefs about affairs (emphasizing the positives and minimizing the negatives)
- Difficulties maintaining commitment
Aspects of the injured partner
- Self-doubt interfering with emotional and physical intimacy
- Participating in behaviours that contribute to maintaining difficulty in the relationship
- Difficulties in coping with relationship disappointments.
Baucom, D. H., Snyder, D. K., Gordon, K. C., & Snyder, D. K. (2009). Helping couples get past the affair: A clinician's guide. New York: Guilford Press.
