Challenging Thoughts and Creating Realistic Expectations
In a relationship dynamic, perceptions play an important part regarding how we interact and perceive a spouse or family member throughout the course of our interactions. For example, if a wife sees her husband as ‘over sensitive’ or ‘touchy’ this may influence how the two of them interact. Consequently, because our perceptions influence how we view people they tend to superseded other cognitions. This also means that perceptions can change. New information that we practice can alter the way we dialogue with our partners. However, some people may find it extremely difficult to alter their perceptions likely as a result of life experience. For example, if a man generally sees his wife as a selfish person he will likely hold this view in his general perception of her. This also means that if his wife does attempt to change, the new information and changes will always be judged in the light of that initial perception (she is selfish). A well-trained therapist combined with good rapport, can help people challenge this rigidity.
Sometimes we may hold distortions that are not initially apparent. Therapy can help bring awareness to these distortions:
Selective Attention: The tendency to fixate on certain aspects of an event that occurs in a relationship and to overlook other important aspects (e.g., focusing on other people’s words and ignoring their actions).
Attributions: Inferences (conclusions we make based on evidence) about factors that may influence a partner’s actions (e.g., thinking that a partner didn’t respond to your message because he or she wants to control the situation or make you feel bad).
Expectancies: Making predictions that a particular event will likely occur (e.g., expression feelings about something will result in your partner ‘blowing up,’ in anger.
Assumptions: Beliefs about a person’s characteristics (e.g., a wife assumes that men don’t need emotional support).
Standards: Beliefs about characteristics that people ‘should’ have (e.g., partners should have no boundaries between them and everything should be open, including thoughts and emotions).
Being mindful and questioning your thoughts will help bring better awareness of distortions you hold about your partner. This in turn will help you become aware of what thoughts need to be challenged or modified regarding your relationship.
Working On Your Relationship
Our goal is to help partners:
- Challenge thoughts and create realistic expectations for their relationship.
- Challenge observable behaviours and how they factor into the relationship.
- Recognize precipitants of disagreements.
- Focus on how to make decisions that are best for their relationship instead of the self.
- Work on active communication through the use to research supported techniques.
- Work on facilitating or rekindling a connection.
We have staff that are highly trained and are members of the College of Psychologist’s and College of Psychotherapists. We welcome you to call or email and find out more about how we can help nourish and support your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
We are committed to keeping your information confidential and secure. In most cases, therapists must maintain strict confidentiality of clinical records. Information cannot be released without the client’s written permission. There are a few exceptions where disclosure to authorities is allowed by our professional ethical standards and by law, for example:
- If there is reason to believe that there is a significant risk of bodily harm to the you or others.
- In the case of apparent, reported, suspected or potential child abuse or neglect.
- In response to a court order or summons for record of testimony.
- If you report sexual abuse by a Regulated Health Care Professional.
- For the purpose of contacting a relative, friend, or potential substitute decision-maker if you were to become injured, incapacitated, or ill and unable to give consent personally.
- For the purpose for a court proceeding or contemplated proceeding in which CSYR is expected to be a party of witness if the information relates to or is a matter in issue in the proceeding.
Our confidentiality policy will be reviewed in detail at the first appointment.
What personal information is required for counselling service?
We collect only personal and health information we need to provide counselling as allowed under the Personal Health Information Protection Act, 2004 (S.O. 2004, c. 3 Sched. A, s.29) or other privacy information that may apply.
The information that will be collected at your first visit include:
- Your name
- Birth date
- Address
- Emergency contact information
How long do you keep my personal records for?
Your personal records will be kept at Counselling Services for York Region for seven years after the date of last contact. There are circumstances where we may be required to keep your records for a longer period of time (i.e., responding to legal action).
What if I'm late for an appointment?
We ask that you provide us with 24-hours' notice if you plan on cancelling your appointment. If you provide us with less than 24-hours' notice, the full session fee will be charged. If you are late for an appointment, the therapist will work with you for the remainder of the 60 minute session and the full session fee will be charged.
What if I can't afford your rates?
Counselling Services for York Region has designed a Counselling Assistance Program to help fund counselling for individuals who may be experiencing financial difficulties. For more information on the assistance program, click here.
What is your email and internet policy?
Email is not a confidential form of communication and therefore Counselling Services for York Region (CSYR) doesn't conduct counselling by email. CSYR staff do not accept invitations from clients to participate in their online social networks, nor do they invite clients to participate in their own personal online social networks (e.g. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Linkedin).
