Published: 01 June 2015

Guidelines for Constructive Discussions About the Affair

Recognize when feelings are becoming deregulated. When our feelings begin to become overwhelmed, we can make situations more difficult, which often leads to unproductive dialogue. Some symptoms which may signal when a time out is needed, include:

• Your speech is increasingly getting louder
• You’re having thoughts that may be unhelpful (catastrophizing situations or mind reading).
• You’re destructing property (throwing items)
• You no longer can listen effectively to what your partner is trying to communicate.
• You’re cursing or using harmful words
• Your muscles are becoming increasingly intense

Consider recognizing your feelings and expressing them to your partner without blame.

Both partners have the right to call a time out – exercise this option, when you know that the conversation is getting ‘out of hand.’

Speak to your partner about what will happen next when a discussion becomes unhealthy:

• Who will call the time out? Who will leave the room?
• How long will the time out be?
• When will you two meet back to re-engage in the discussion.

Use a time out to think clearly and ease your running thoughts:

• Use a relaxation technique (ask your therapist)
• Exercise
• Go for a walk (let your partner know when you’ll be back)
• Journal or write a letter. Take your phone out or a pen and paper out and start writing how you feel about the situation.
• Organize your thoughts so they become less overwhelming
• Decide how you will interact with your partner, when they come back.

During a time out, refrain from:

• Replaying the argument in your head over and over again.
• Blaming your partner
• Doing things that could be hurtful (drinking, drugs).

After the time out is over, try speaking about the issue again. If you feel that the discussion is continuing to get heated, take another time out and consider another time to discuss it again (e.g. next day). 

If you require assistance, please feel free to call us and will help you as best as we can. Counselling Services for York Region is here to help! 416-999-3437 - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Holzworth-Monroe, A., Marshall, A.D., Meehan, J.C., & Rehman, U. (2003). Physical aggression. In D.K Snyder & M.A Whisman (Eds.) Treating difficult couples: Helping clients with coexisting mental and relationship disorders (pp 201-230). New York: Guilford Press. 

Published: 01 June 2015

Our counselling program focused on infidelity is about healing. Our program is intended to help couples by providing them with a roadmap to recovery. Couples counselling/marriage counselling focused on infidelity will provide couples with principles to consider over treatment and specific interventions to help manage the difficulties they may be experiencing.

Treatment unfolds in three stages:

1. Helping couples manage with the immediate crisis of the affair (when it has become discovered and acknowledged)
2. Helping understand the variables (or reasons) that may have to contributed to a partner’s decision to have an affair.
3. Helping couples move ahead with acceptance and ultimately forgiveness.

If both parties are committed to working on the relationship, treatment will focus on:

1. Repairing difficulties in the relationship, which may have contributed to distancing in the relationship.
2. Repairing physical and emotional intimacy.

For more information regarding out program, please feel free to call 416-999-3437 or email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Resources: 
Guidelines for Constructive Discussions About the Affair
How to Stay Grounded - Affair Counselling
Potential Contributing Factors - Affairs

Published: 17 March 2015

One of the many objectives of counselling is to involve the client in obtaining awareness of behaviours that may be limiting or disabling their health. With the use of research-supported techniques, a therapist will help by enabling the client to initiate and develop new and appropriate strategies for managing with their present difficulties.

We recognize that counselling with older people is quite different than that of other age groups. Our counselling program specific to our geriatric clients is designed to ensure that our client’s feel comfortable attending session. Our therapists are trained to ensure that our clients receive adequate health care service with all of their needs taken into consideration.

If you experience difficulties that you believe may impair your ability (i.e. hearing difficulties or vision difficulties) to receive service, please let us know and will try our best to make every accommodation we can to provide the care you need to be healthy.

Here are some examples of concerns that some of our clients attend counselling for:

• The Aging Body (i.e. sensory impairment, mobility and falls)
• Life Course Changes
• Multicultural Acceptance – Ethnic Diversity in Multicultural Families
• Promoting Health and Wellbeing Later in Life
• The Aging Mind (i.e., cognitive changes)
• Personal Growth and Development
• Emotions and Aging
• Depression
• Dementia
• Self Identity Issues
• Ageism
• Elder Abuse
• Spirituality and Death/Bereavement
• Grandparenthood
• Sibling Ties
• Changing Family Relationships
• Gay and Lesbian Relations