My goal is to figure out what issues are interfering with the healing process. This could mean managing symptoms of depression, asking for violence, and feelings of guilt. Part of the process of moving through an affair is figuring out where the relationship stands with the other person. This means getting a better understanding of what has happened to the affair- has it ended, or is it continuing? If the affair continues, it won't be easy to work with the partner who is choosing to continue the affair. I often recommend that that partner seek their own counsellor to better understand what is keeping them in the relationship with the other person. Some work can be done with the couple until a decision is made to end the relationship, but it is best to end the relationship with the other person before counselling can begin with the couple.
Part of the process of engaging in couples counselling focused on affairs is to manage the emotions of discovering the affair and how it happened. There are intense emotions experienced by both the person who is having the affair and the injured partner. The injured partner may experience shock, rage, and disbelief. The person who had the affair may feel guilt and shame for what they have done. How the person who had the affair reacts is essential for healing. If they are now showing remorse or unable to be empathetic, it will be more difficult to rebuild the foundation of the relationship. An assessment is done to determine if the partner is experiencing difficulties with sexual compulsivity or a personality disorder (Poluso 2007).
If you need support, please feel free to contact me. I support connection with any Clinical Psychologist. They must practice psychological counselling or provide psychotherapy services. My office is located in Vaughan, Ontario.
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