How do I control my anger immediately?
I get asked this question quite often. Individuals who experience anger should consider looking at it from a broader context. This means evaluating how situations, environmental influences, thoughts, behaviours, and emotions influence your anger. Before we talk about how to control your anger immediately, it's important to be aware of the physiological symptoms that come just before you know you are about to become angry. Your body may experience increased heart rate and blood pressure, rapid breathing, tight muscles, sweating, dry mouth, and shaking. This can help you notice when you are about to get angry and be a good indicator that it may be best for you to step away and calm yourself down. I know that when my partner is about to get upset, she opens her mouth slightly. I know this is enough of a sign for me to excuse myself and revisit the conversation or situation when the time is right, and she's much more regulated. To understand your early signs of anger, you may have to write down some of these symptoms the next time you are in a difficult situation.
I do recommend that when you are angry, you consider separating yourself from the situation until you are ready to resume in a healthy manner (if possible). This may mean excusing yourself politely or explaining to the person that you need to step away until you are ready to discuss the situation again or return to the situation to address it (if possible).
Many individuals use breathing strategies to help calm themselves down when they are dysregulated. Calming exercises should be practiced regularly so that they are effective when needed. Breathing deeply from your diaphragm while counting your inhales and exhales could help you slow your breathing down and calm the body. I recommend a 4-second inhale and a 6-second exhale with a 2-second pause (please consult with your healthcare team to determine the best deep breathing approach for you). Ensure you are not breathing from your chest and focus on breathing from your stomach.
Take a minute to exercise or walk around to release the pent-up energy. This could mean separating yourself by going for a walk or run if possible.
Call a friend. Sometimes, talking about the situation with someone can help you return to your baseline. If someone is not available, you can always journal how you feel by writing down how you feel on a piece of paper or on your smartphone.
Use self-talk to help you regulate yourself. Ask yourself questions such as, 'is this really worth it?" or "is getting angry about this really worth it?" Of course, these are simple responses that I would recommend if you were not engaged in a counselling program. If you were engaged in a counselling program, the self-talk you would use would be quite different, and it would include a lot more challenges around the standards you create for yourself and others.
If you would like more information, find out how a psychologist can help. We are located in Vaughan, Ontario.
How to Maintain or Improve Your Positive Self-esteem
This page provides helpful strategies to alleviate or prevent feelings and symptoms associated with low self-esteem. You can use these techniques independently or with me. As a psychologist, I often see many people struggle with self esteem. Working on your self-esteem can help change your mood and self-confidence.
Everyone experiences moments of self-doubt, but when low self-esteem persists, it can deeply affect us. This is especially true for individuals who may be dealing with depression, anxiety, phobias, or other mental health challenges. Low self-esteem can prevent you from enjoying life’s activities and achieving personal goals.
Daily Activities to Boost Your Self-Esteem
Listen to your needs – Pay attention to both your body and mind. If you're feeling physically drained, allow yourself to rest. If your mind is prompting you to finish a task (like an assignment or chore), try to tackle it.
Prioritize self-care – Write down activities that promote your well-being, such as eating healthy, exercising, maintaining personal hygiene, having a medical check-up, or engaging in a fun hobby.
Make time for enjoyable activities – Life can get busy, but it's essential to carve out time for things you love or used to enjoy. Whether it's playing music, walking, painting, or playing sports, engaging in enjoyable activities can improve your self-esteem. Try making a list of things you love and incorporate one into your day. Add new activities you find enjoyable.
Tackle tasks you’ve been avoiding – Completing tasks that have been lingering on your mind can provide relief. If a task seems too big, write it down and set a deadline for completing it.
Use your unique talents – Whether you're a skilled writer, artist, or builder, use your abilities in a way that brings you satisfaction. Writing an article or creating something with your hands can help build confidence.
Dress for yourself – Wear clothing that makes you feel good. If your budget is tight, thrift stores can offer affordable options.
Reward yourself – Treat yourself to a gift or plan a relaxing activity like a massage. Celebrating your achievements, big or small, boosts your self-esteem.
Spend time with supportive people – Surround yourself with those who treat you with respect and care. Spending quality time with friends and family can nurture your self-worth.
Create a comfortable living space – Design a home environment that makes you feel safe and at ease. Even your bedroom can be a sanctuary. Taking the time to decorate or redecorate can be a motivating and positive project.
Showcase your accomplishments – Create a space in your home that reflects your achievements. This could be a wall of awards, photographs, or meaningful items that remind you of your successes and milestones.
Enjoy your meals mindfully – Disconnect from electronics during mealtime and focus on appreciating the food. You might even invite friends or family to enjoy a meal with you, further enhancing the experience.
Learn something new – Take a class, attend a seminar, or explore a hobby that interests you. Not only can this boost your skills, but it may also help you meet new people.
Practice kindness – Doing something kind for someone else, whether it’s writing a thoughtful note, helping out with chores, or volunteering, brings positivity into your life and the lives of others.
Treat yourself well every day – Before bed, reflect on how you've treated yourself. Acknowledging your efforts toward self-care can be a great way to end the day on a positive note.
By making small changes every day, you can gradually improve your self-esteem and foster a more fulfilling life.
Sex Therapy Clinic
Sex therapy is a powerful resource for couples looking to enhance their emotional and physical connection, deepen intimacy, and address challenges in their relationship. At our clinic, we specialize in providing a safe, supportive, and confidential environment for couples to explore sensitive issues around sexuality and intimacy. Whether you’re struggling with communication about sexual needs, dealing with medical or psychological conditions that affect your sex life, or simply wanting to reignite passion in your relationship, our expert therapists are here to guide you toward meaningful solutions tailored to your unique situation.
Our team of licensed psychologists combines years of specialized training with a compassionate, nonjudgmental approach to help couples navigate the complex layers of their relationships. We use evidence-based techniques, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and emotionally focused therapy (EFT), to identify and address underlying factors that may impact your intimacy. By fostering honest dialogue and offering tools to rebuild trust and confidence, we aim to empower you and your partner to create a fulfilling, satisfying partnership that supports both emotional and physical well-being.
At our clinic, transparency and accessibility are at the core of what we do. We understand that seeking sex therapy can feel intimidating, but taking this step is a sign of strength and commitment to your relationship. Our sessions are conducted in a warm, private setting where your comfort and confidentiality are our top priorities. If you’re ready to take the next step toward improving your connection and intimacy as a couple, we invite you to schedule a consultation with us. Let us help you rediscover the joy and closeness that brought you together in the first place.
Specific Phobias
As a psychologist, we work with fears by understanding more about what is influencing them on a cognitive level and how they are being maintained on a behavioural level. Sometimes negative thinking can influence how a fear is maintained. We also work to understand what behavioural mechanisms are influencing the fear to maintain itself. In other words, it's the safety behaviours that we participate in that keep the fear going. In my psychology practice, we have specific instruments we use to help guide us along to make sure that we are on track and are getting the support you need each step of the way.
Part of the work includes:
- Unlearning what you may have learned about your fear concern. For instance, many people have certain negative thoughts pertaining to their specific fear. Sometimes we do this by having you speak with other experts to help you better understand your fear (for example, speaking to a pilot to gather more information on flight safety).
- Meditation is a mandatory part of the work we do. Meditation allows for your triggers to become lower so it's much easier for you to do some of the exercises and manage the safety behaviours (the safety behaviours are the things you do to reduce the anxiety - this is what maintains the fear)
- We carefully help you confront your fear through carefully constructed exercises that are done with your comfort in mind.
Part of the work we do is also learning to live with uncertainty. This is done by reflecting on the uncertainty you already accept in your life that could lead to the same consequences that you believe would happen if you were exposed to your fear. This exercise can be extremely powerful for many patients because it helps give a perspective that you are already taking the risk.
The work includes a combination of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy specific to your phobia and Exposure and Response Prevention (this is the gold standard treatment in helping with phobias).
There are many different phobias that we can help you with at our clinic. Some of the phobias that we work with include:
- Arachnophobia: Fear of spiders.
- Ophidiophobia: Fear of snakes.
- Ornithophobia: Fear of birds.
- Cynophobia: Fear of dogs.
- Equinophobia: Fear of horses.
- Ichthyophobia: Fear of fish.
- Murophobia: Fear of mice or rats.
Natural Environment Phobias
- Acrophobia: Fear of heights..
- Astraphobia: Fear of thunder and lightning.
- Chionophobia: Fear of snow.
- Anemophobia: Fear of wind.
- Hydrophobia: Fear of water.
- Gephyrophobia: Fear of bridges.
Medical-Related Phobias
- Trypanophobia: Fear of needles or injections.
- Hemophobia: Fear of blood.
- Nosocomephobia: Fear of hospitals.
- Dentophobia: Fear of dentists.
- Germophobia: Fear of germs or contamination.
Situational Phobias
- Claustrophobia: Fear of confined spaces.
- Aerophobia: Fear of flying.
- Agoraphobia: Fear of open or crowded spaces.
- Nyctophobia: Fear of darkness.
- Elevatophobia: Fear of elevators.
- Automatonophobia: Fear of mannequins or human-like figures.
Phobias Related to Bodily Functions or Sensations
- Emetophobia: Fear of vomiting.
- Thanatophobia: Fear of death or dying.
- Tachophobia: Fear of speed.
- Pyrophobia: Fear of fire.
- Somniphobia: Fear of sleep.
- Hypochondriasis: Fear of having a serious illness.
Other Common Phobias
- Trypophobia: Fear of patterns of holes or bumps.
- Glossophobia: Fear of public speaking.
- Phobophobia: Fear of fear itself.
- Ablutophobia: Fear of bathing or cleaning.
- Bibliophobia: Fear of books.
- Pogonophobia: Fear of beards.
- Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
- Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia: Fear of long words (ironically long itself).
- Spectrophobia: Fear of mirrors or reflections.
- Euphobia: Fear of good news.
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