Counselling Services in Vaughan · York Region Therapy

Attraction is the first stage of an affair. The attraction may not begin with physical attraction. It could also happen through language, whether that happens via text flirting or in person. The conversation may intrigue the person, but of most importance is the feelings of excitement that come. As texts and conversations continue, it forms the foundation of a relationship. At a later time, they may come to understand their relationship status, but most of the time they continue despite knowing this information (Peluso 2007). 

The 'honeymoon' stage is brought on by a 'good' feeling that is often described as intoxicating. There is passion and the couple may have engaged sexually via shared images or through physical contact. Hiding the affair from each other's spouses or partner may increase arousal. Plans are made to continue the affair - via in-person or through chatting(Peluso 2007).  

Changes in equilibrium is the stage that follows. This is based on a negotiation of what happens next in the relationship- do they meet in person, continue the relationship, or how far do they go both emotionally and physically? If they haven't met, than a lot is challenged on a cognitive level. Some of these challenges include: should I invest in travelling to metthis person, how will this influence their emotional health, will they meet and will anyone see, and can they even get away (Peluso 2007).

The ending is the last stage - they choose to continue the affair or end it(Pelusos 2007).

Peluso, P. R. (Ed.). (2007). Infidelity: A practitioner’s guide to working with couples in crisis. Routledge.

If you need support, please feel free to contact me. I support connection with any Clinical Psychologist. They must practice psychological counselling or provide psychotherapy services. My office is located in Vaughan, Ontario. 

I have seen many affairs in my practice and have helped many people move past their trauma to find success and happiness again in their marriage. Here are examples of different types of affairs a person may have. 

Serial Infidelity - This often involves a pattern of one-night stands, multiple affairs, or frequent visits to prostitutes, with no emotional attachment to the partners. These infidelities may continue for years within the marriage. While the affairs themselves may not be significant, the behavior is. A person who engages in serial affairs is considered a high-risk partner (Peluso 2007). 

The Fling: This type of affair usually lacks an emotional connection with the lover. For some individuals, it may be a single fling or a few during the course of their marriage. People involved in flings typically believe that these encounters won't interfere with their married life. The idea that the risk of being discovered is low (Peluso 2007). 

Romantic - There are affairs that become romantic where it satisfies a desire to feel close and a mutal interest of feeling connected. Romantic affairs are the biggest threat to a marriage. Usually, the person having the affair will have to decide if they would like to continue the romantic relationship or repair their marriage. It's often difficult for the injured person to see their partner go through the grief of losing their romantic lover (Pelusos 2007). 

Long-Term Affairs - Sometimes, people have long-term affairs. The person having an affair may struggle to make a decision to end the relationship, often due to ambivalence (Pelusos 2007). The affair may go on for years without the other partner knowing. 

Peluso, P. R. (Ed.). (2007). Infidelity: A practitioner’s guide to working with couples in crisis. Routledge.

If you are struggling and would like assistance, please feel free to contact me or another Clinical Psychologist who works specifically with couples concerns and offers counselling and psychotherapy services. My office is located in Vaughan, Ontario. 

A cyber-affair (also known as cyper-infidelity) happens when a partner in a committed relationship uses social media or other internent platform to break promises, vows, or agreements related to exclusivity. This new form of infidelity presents as a challenge for both therapist and client as it forces both to reconsider the concept of cheating.  

Many individuals who discover their partner is cheating with someone through social media or online platforms describe being just as devastated as compared to a traditional affair, even though no physical contact has been made. 

Cyber affairs happen: 

• In chat rooms where people share a common interest. 
• Messaging someone through social media like instagram or facebook
• visiting sites that promote affairs 

The engagements between the individuals may start off as casual but may become increasingly more invovled as the exhanges become more of value to each person and the desire to engage becomes increasingly more difficult to manage. It may be the somethign the person looks forward too or fantasize about. There may even be a point where sxual messages may be exchanged. The messages may also include video messages that contain images of their bodies. 

A psychologist consult may be best to consider to better understand the behaviour. Suppose the individual is behaving in a sexually compulsive manner- In that case, a treatment plan can be developed to help bring stability and awareness to the behaviours. A distinction will need to be made to determine if the person is sexually addicted or if it is to be considered a cyber infidelity. 

There are three characteristics that all individuals with addictions have in common: loss of control to stop the addictive behaviour, the behaviour continuing despite dire consequences, and preoccupation with the addictive behaviour. The addiction cycle starts with thoughts of sex, preoccupation with satisfying the sexual need, and then guilt and remorse until the cycle begins again.