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While most relationship research focuses on romantic or emotional infidelity, another form of betrayal quietly affects many marriages: financial infidelity. This occurs when someone engages in financial behavior they know their partner would disapprove of and intentionally conceals it from them.

The numbers are striking. More than one in five partners admit to engaging in financial infidelity, with hidden bank accounts, undisclosed credit card debt, unpaid student loans, and concealed credit scores being the most common secrets. Among couples who combine their finances, the rates are even higher, with 41% admitting to financial deceptions.

A Couple Level Problem

A recent study took a fresh approach to understanding financial infidelity by examining it as a couple level phenomenon rather than an individual behavior. After all, by definition, financial infidelity requires two people in an interdependent relationship. The researchers focused on what happens when partners differ in their tendency to hide financial matters, a dynamic they call financial infidelity asymmetry.

Financial infidelity asymmetry refers to the degree of difference between partners' propensity to engage in financial secrecy. In some couples, both partners are transparent about money matters, creating symmetry at the lower end of the spectrum. In other couples, one partner is much more likely to hide spending, debt, and savings than the other, creating asymmetry.

The Impact on Couples

Using multiple research methods, including a pilot study with real bank account data, studies of married couples, and experiments, the researchers found that couples with greater financial infidelity asymmetry experience worse outcomes on two important dimensions: financial wellbeing and relationship satisfaction.

The study examined real banking data from a money management mobile application, pairing it with survey responses from users. They also conducted studies with married couples where they measured various outcomes at the couple level rather than focusing on individuals separately. The experimental studies manipulated financial infidelity dynamics to observe their effects on relationship satisfaction and intentions to save toward joint financial goals.

Why Asymmetry Matters

The research revealed a key mechanism explaining why financial infidelity asymmetry harms couples. When partners differ significantly in their tendency toward financial secrecy, they're more likely to develop individualized rather than shared financial goals. This separation of goals then predicts lower financial wellbeing and relationship satisfaction.

This finding makes intuitive sense. When one partner is hiding financial behavior, it becomes difficult for the couple to work toward unified financial objectives. The transparent partner may be planning for a joint future, while the secretive partner is making unilateral decisions that affect both people. This misalignment undermines the couple's ability to function as an interdependent unit when it comes to money.

Beyond Other Differences

Importantly, the researchers demonstrated that financial infidelity asymmetry has unique predictive value beyond other ways partners might differ from each other. Couples can be mismatched on many dimensions, but the research showed that differences in financial transparency specifically predict couple wellbeing in ways that other asymmetries do not.

This finding is particularly noteworthy because it extends previous research that largely focused on how similarity or difference in positive traits affects relationships. Financial infidelity proneness is conceptualized as a negative trait with potential to cause harm, and this study is among the first to examine how dissimilarity in such a trait predicts couples' financial wellbeing.

The Direction of Causality

The researchers acknowledged that the relationship between financial infidelity asymmetry and couple wellbeing could potentially work in both directions. Perhaps having individualized financial goals and relationship strain actually increases financial secrecy within couples. Maybe when partners have different priorities, one becomes more inclined to hide financial behavior.

However, the experimental studies provided evidence supporting the original prediction: that financial infidelity asymmetry leads to individualized goals and lower wellbeing, rather than the reverse. By manipulating financial infidelity dynamics and observing the effects, the researchers strengthened their case for the direction of causality.

Understanding the Full Picture

The research examined couples where both partners were low in financial infidelity proneness and compared them to couples where one partner was low and the other was higher. The data suggested that couples where both partners are high in financial infidelity proneness are relatively rare in practice, which makes sense given that sustained financial secrecy from both sides would likely be difficult to maintain.

The focus on comparing transparent couples to asymmetric couples revealed important patterns. The transparent couples, where both partners are open about financial matters, showed better outcomes across the board. They reported higher financial wellbeing and greater relationship satisfaction, and they were more likely to have shared financial goals that both partners worked toward together.

Money and Marriage

These findings contribute to our understanding of why money is such a major source of tension in marriages. Financial conflict is common, but relatively little has been known about what leads to it. This research identifies financial infidelity asymmetry as an important precursor to misaligned financial goals, which ultimately predicts lower couple wellbeing.

The study highlights that marriage is the quintessential example of an interdependent relationship. Partners are not completely autonomous beings; they coexist and exert mutual influence on one another. In this shared context, the actions of one partner inevitably affect the other and the relationship as a whole. When one partner hides financial behavior, it disrupts the foundation of trust and shared purpose that healthy relationships require.

Implications for Couples

The research underscores the importance of financial transparency in romantic relationships. Financial wellbeing is a key predictor of general wellbeing, making it all the more critical that couples address financial matters openly. When partners differ significantly in their approach to financial transparency, it creates a dynamic that undermines both their financial stability and their relationship satisfaction.

For couples navigating financial challenges, the findings suggest that working toward shared financial goals is crucial. When both partners are invested in common objectives and maintain transparency about their financial behavior, they're better positioned to achieve financial security and relationship satisfaction. Conversely, when secrecy and individualized goals characterize a couple's financial life, both dimensions of wellbeing suffer.

This research represents an important step in understanding financial infidelity as a dyadic experience that poses harm to the couple rather than just an individual behavior. By taking a couple level perspective, it reveals dynamics that individual focused research would miss, offering insights into how financial secrecy ripples through relationships and affects both partners' wellbeing.