How the Pandemic Changed Marriage: The Unexpected Ways COVID Brought Couples Together and Pulled Them Apart

A major study reveals surprising patterns in how relationships evolved during lockdowns, work from home orders, and social isolation

When Sarah and Mike were suddenly working from home in March 2020, they figured it would be a temporary inconvenience. Both had demanding careers, two young kids, and the usual busy life that left little time for meaningful connection. But as weeks turned to months of lockdowns and remote work, something unexpected happened: they rediscovered each other.

"We started having coffee together every morning before the kids woke up," Sarah recalls. "We hadn't done that in years. We were talking about things beyond schedules and logistics for the first time in forever."

Sarah and Mike weren't alone. A comprehensive study tracking over 3,000 married Americans through three phases of the pandemic reveals that their experience was surprisingly common. But the research also uncovered a more complex story about how the unprecedented disruption of COVID affected marriages in ways both wonderful and devastating.

The Pandemic as a Relationship Laboratory

Researchers from Indiana University surveyed married adults at three critical moments: the early lockdown phase in April 2020, the prolonged restriction period in December 2020 and January 2021, and the vaccine rollout phase in August and September 2021. Each group consisted of about 1,000 people aged 30 to 50, providing a unique window into how marriages evolved as the crisis unfolded.

The findings challenge the doom and gloom narrative that dominated media coverage of pandemic relationships. While headlines focused on rising domestic violence and divorce speculation, the reality was far more nuanced.

The biggest surprise? More couples reported positive changes than negative ones.

The Good News: Relationships That Thrived

Across all three time periods studied, positive changes in marriages significantly outweighed negative ones. In the later phases of the pandemic, more than half of participants reported improvements in their relationships.

"My spouse and I have been able to spend more time together and have gotten to really know each other again," shared one participant. Another described feeling "more connected than we have ever been because we are spending more time together."

The Gift of Time

The most commonly cited benefit was simply having more time together. For many couples, the forced slowdown created opportunities that had been missing from their busy pre pandemic lives.

Participants described rediscovering shared interests that had been neglected for years. One couple returned to their old tradition of watching movies together, something they hadn't done "in probably 10 years or so" due to the demands of work and parenting.

Others found time for simple but meaningful activities: daily walks, cooking together, or just talking without the constant rush to the next obligation. "We talk more and communicate better with me being at home more," explained one participant.

Creating New Rituals

Beyond rekindling old habits, many couples developed entirely new routines that strengthened their bonds. Some started joint projects around the house, began hiking together, or even got a dog to walk together.

The sharing of household responsibilities became more equitable for many couples. "We are spending a lot more time together. We are more engaged in overall house chores and sharing responsibility," noted one participant.

These new patterns often reflected a more collaborative approach to daily life, with partners taking on tasks they'd never shared before, from pet care to home projects.

Better Communication

Perhaps most significantly, many couples reported dramatically improved communication. Being physically present more often created natural opportunities for check ins, deeper conversations, and simply staying connected throughout the day.

"We have started to communicate much more often through phone calls and texts for no other reason than just to have contact with each other," shared one participant. Others described having enough time to really understand each other's perspectives, likes, dislikes, and expectations in ways that their previous busy schedules hadn't allowed.

A New Appreciation

The pandemic's stark reminder of life's fragility led many to reassess what truly mattered. Participants frequently mentioned developing a deeper appreciation for their partners and their relationships.

"I feel like the pandemic has helped me realize what is really important in life and to be grateful of how much I have," explained one participant. "I definitely appreciate my spouse much more."

The widespread loss of life during the early pandemic particularly heightened this sense of gratitude. "With people losing their lives to the virus we thank God every day for each other," shared another participant.

The Challenges: When Togetherness Became Too Much

However, the story wasn't universally positive. About one in six participants in the early pandemic reported negative changes, and this number jumped to more than one in three by the later phase studied.

Stress Overload

The most common challenge was simply stress from COVID itself, job insecurity, health fears, and the overwhelming nature of the crisis. Some couples found themselves "more stressed and try to avoid each other" as a coping mechanism.

Disagreements about COVID precautions, vaccines, and the seriousness of the virus created new sources of conflict. "We didn't agree on vaccination and how serious COVID-19 is, so we are drifting apart more than ever," shared one participant.

Too Much Togetherness

Ironically, the same increased time together that benefited many couples became a source of strain for others. Some discovered they needed more individual space than lockdowns allowed.

"We get more aggravated because we are around each other more," explained one participant. Others missed the natural breaks that work travel or separate activities had previously provided. The lack of privacy and alone time became particularly challenging for couples who weren't used to spending so much concentrated time together.

Financial Pressure

Job losses, reduced income, and economic uncertainty created significant strain for many couples. "We are stressed about money, so we avoid each other," shared one participant.

The financial stress often interacted with other pandemic pressures, creating a compound effect on relationships. Couples who were already struggling financially found the pandemic's economic impact particularly devastating to their relationship quality.

Family Stress

For couples with children, the added responsibility of home schooling, entertaining kids unable to attend school or activities, and managing family members who moved in for safety created additional pressure.

"More time dedicated to childcare leaves less time to focus on other things," noted one participant. The challenge of balancing work, parenting, and relationship maintenance while confined to home proved overwhelming for many.

The Timing Matters

One of the study's most intriguing findings was how relationship impacts shifted over time. Early in the pandemic, nearly half of participants reported no change in their relationships. But as the crisis stretched on, more people began experiencing both positive and negative changes.

Negative impacts were highest in the later phase studied (August/September 2021), when pandemic fatigue had set in and the initial novelty of extra time together had worn off. This suggests that some of the relationship benefits were not sustainable long term without intentional effort.

The Relationship Resilience Factor

The research supports what relationship experts call the vulnerability stress adaptation model: couples with strong foundations and good coping skills were more likely to thrive during the pandemic, while those with existing problems often saw them worsen.

"Our marriage was not 100 percent before COVID, let alone during," shared one participant. "I think COVID, financial stress, and just all around has led to the decline in our marriage."

Conversely, couples who had solid communication skills and mutual support systems were often able to use the pandemic as an opportunity for growth. Some even reported that marriages on the brink of divorce were saved by the forced time together and reassessment of priorities.

What This Means for Modern Marriage

The pandemic essentially created a massive, unintentional experiment in relationship dynamics. By forcing couples to spend unprecedented amounts of time together while dealing with extraordinary stress, it revealed important truths about what makes marriages thrive or struggle.

The Importance of Quality Time

Perhaps the clearest takeaway is that many modern couples are starved for quality time together. The fact that simply being present more often led to widespread relationship improvements suggests that our normal busy lifestyles may be undermining marital satisfaction in ways we don't fully recognize.

Communication as Foundation

The couples who reported the most positive changes were those who used their extra time together to improve communication. This reinforces the fundamental importance of ongoing, meaningful conversation in maintaining strong marriages.

Stress as an Amplifier

The pandemic served as a stress test that amplified existing relationship patterns. Strong relationships generally got stronger, while struggling relationships often deteriorated further. This highlights the importance of addressing relationship issues before they compound during difficult times.

Adaptation and Flexibility

The couples who thrived were those who could adapt to new circumstances, create new routines, and find opportunities for growth within challenging constraints. This flexibility appears to be a key ingredient in relationship resilience.

Lessons for the Future

As we move beyond the acute phase of the pandemic, several insights emerge for couples wanting to preserve the positive changes or address problems that surfaced:

Prioritize time together: Many couples discovered they needed more quality time than their pre pandemic schedules allowed. Protecting this time requires intentional effort as normal busy life resumes.

Maintain new routines: The beneficial routines developed during the pandemic could be worth preserving, whether that's daily walks, shared meals, or regular check ins.

Address underlying issues: Couples whose relationships deteriorated during the pandemic may benefit from professional support to address problems that the stress revealed or worsened.

Build communication skills: The pandemic highlighted how crucial good communication is during stressful times. Investing in these skills can help couples weather future challenges.

Plan for stress: Understanding how external stress affects your relationship can help couples develop better coping strategies for future difficulties.

The Broader Picture

While the pandemic was undeniably traumatic in many ways, this research reveals that human relationships showed remarkable adaptability. Many couples found ways to not just survive but actually strengthen their bonds during one of the most challenging periods in recent history.

The findings also challenge assumptions about what modern marriages need to thrive. In an era of packed schedules and constant connectivity, the simple act of spending focused time together proved to be a powerful relationship enhancer.

Perhaps most importantly, the research shows that relationship outcomes during crisis aren't predetermined. While some couples struggled, many others found unexpected opportunities for growth and connection. The difference often came down to how couples approached the challenges: with blame and avoidance, or with curiosity and collaboration.

As we continue to navigate an uncertain world, these insights remind us that investing in our closest relationships isn't just personally rewarding—it may be one of our most important survival strategies. The couples who emerged from the pandemic stronger weren't necessarily the ones who faced the fewest challenges, but rather those who faced them together.


Vanterpool, K. B., Francis, H. M., Greer, K. M., Moscovici, Z., Graham, C. A., Sanders, S. A., ... & Yarber, W. L. (2025). Changes in marital relationships over the course of the COVID‐19 pandemic. Family Relations.