New research reveals the surprising ways psychological distress impacts how couples work together as parents
Raising young children is one of life's most rewarding experiences—and one of its most stressful. Between sleepless nights, tantrum-filled grocery trips, and the constant juggling of work and family responsibilities, it's no wonder that many parents feel overwhelmed. But what happens when that stress starts affecting how you and your partner work together as parents?
A fascinating new study from Turkish researchers sheds light on this exact question, revealing how psychological distress creates a ripple effect that can either strengthen or strain your parenting partnership.
The Hidden Web of Family Stress
The research, which followed 184 couples with preschool-aged children, uncovered something that many parents instinctively know but rarely talk about: when one parent is struggling emotionally, it doesn't just affect them, it impacts the entire family system.
"We found that parental stress operates like a web," explains the study's lead researcher. "When one parent experiences high levels of anxiety, depression, or general psychological distress, it influences not only their own parenting but also how well they coordinate with their partner and even their partner's parenting behavior."
The study looked at three key aspects of "coparenting" the technical term for how parents work together in their parenting roles:
- Cooperation: How well parents support and collaborate with each other
- Conflict: The degree of disagreement and tension around parenting decisions
- Triangulation: When parents inappropriately involve children in their conflicts or use them as messengers
The Surprising Gender Differences
One of the most eye-opening findings was how differently maternal and paternal stress affected the family dynamic. While both parents' stress levels impacted their own parenting partnership behaviors, fathers' psychological distress had a particularly strong spillover effect on their partners.
When fathers experienced high levels of stress, anxiety, or depression, it significantly affected their wives' satisfaction with their relationship. This relationship dissatisfaction then led to more conflict and less cooperation in their parenting partnership. In essence, a stressed dad didn't just struggle with his own parenting—his distress created a domino effect that impacted mom's ability to parent effectively too.
Interestingly, when mothers experienced psychological distress, it directly affected their partners' ability to cooperate in parenting, but the spillover effects weren't as extensive as those seen with paternal stress.
The Relationship Connection
Perhaps the most important finding was the central role of relationship satisfaction. The researchers discovered that couple satisfaction acted as a crucial bridge between individual stress and parenting partnership quality.
Here's how it works: When a parent experiences psychological distress, it typically leads to decreased satisfaction with their romantic relationship. This relationship dissatisfaction then translates into more parenting conflicts, less cooperation, and more instances of inappropriate involvement of children in parental disagreements.
"Think of relationship satisfaction as the shock absorber of the family system," one family therapist explains. "When that shock absorber is working well, it can buffer some of the impacts of individual stress. But when it's compromised, stress reverberates throughout the entire family."
What This Means for Your Family
If you're a parent reading this, you might be wondering: "So what can I do with this information?" The research offers several practical insights:
Recognize the ripple effect: Understanding that your stress doesn't exist in isolation can help you be more intentional about managing it. When you're going through a particularly challenging time, it's worth having an honest conversation with your partner about how it might be affecting your family dynamics.
Invest in your relationship: The study reinforces what relationship experts have long known—a strong partnership is the foundation of effective parenting. Even small efforts to maintain connection with your partner (regular check-ins, date nights, or simply expressing appreciation) can pay dividends in your ability to work together as parents.
Address stress early: Rather than hoping stress will resolve itself, consider it a family health issue that deserves attention. Whether through therapy, stress management techniques, or simply asking for help, addressing psychological distress benefits everyone in the family.
Communication is key: The research showed that when parents don't communicate well about parenting decisions, children often get caught in the middle. Creating regular opportunities to discuss parenting approaches, concerns, and decisions can help prevent this harmful dynamic.
A Note for Fathers
The research suggests that fathers' psychological well-being may have particularly far-reaching effects on family functioning. This isn't about blame—it's about awareness. If you're a father struggling with stress, anxiety, or depression, know that getting help isn't just about you. It's an investment in your entire family's well-being.
The Bigger Picture
This research joins a growing body of evidence showing that family wellness isn't just about individual well-being, it's about the health of the entire family system. Just as physical health problems in one family member can affect everyone (think of how one person's flu can disrupt the whole household), psychological distress operates similarly.
The good news? Families are remarkably resilient. Understanding these dynamics gives you power to make positive changes. Whether it's seeking therapy, joining a support group, practicing stress management techniques, or simply being more mindful of how your emotional state affects your family, small steps can make a big difference.
Moving Forward
Parenting young children will always involve stress—that's simply part of the territory. But this research reminds us that we don't have to navigate that stress alone or pretend it doesn't affect our families. By acknowledging these connections and taking proactive steps to support both individual and relationship well-being, we can create stronger, more resilient families.
Remember: asking for help isn't a sign of weakness—it's a sign of wisdom. And investing in your relationship with your partner isn't selfish it's one of the best gifts you can give your children.
Güre, P., Gürmen, M. S., & Acar, İ. H. (2025). Dyadic examination of parents' general psychological distress and coparenting in families with young children: The mediating role of couple satisfaction. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 51(1), e12739.
