The Journey to Parenthood: Why Most Couples Struggle and What Actually Helps

New research shows a simple prevention program can help couples stay connected during one of life's biggest transitions

Having a baby is supposed to be one of the happiest times in a couple's life. But here's what nobody tells you: research shows that about 7 out of 10 couples experience a sharp decline in relationship satisfaction after their first child is born. That romantic spark you once had? It often dims significantly in those early months and years of parenthood.

But what if it doesn't have to be that way?

The Hidden Challenge of New Parenthood

Dr. Shannon Savell and her team at the University of Virginia recently studied this exact problem. They knew that becoming parents puts enormous stress on relationships—sleepless nights, completely changed routines, new responsibilities, and the challenge of suddenly being not just romantic partners but co-parents too.

"The journey to parenthood may be the 'prime time' for relational support programs to set couples on a positive trajectory," the researchers note. Yet surprisingly few programs exist to help couples navigate this transition together.

What Makes the Difference

The research team created something called the "Partners Now Parents Program"—a series of five virtual group sessions designed to help expecting couples prepare for parenthood while keeping their relationship strong. They worked with 66 expecting parents from diverse backgrounds, including couples of different races, income levels, and sexual orientations.

Here's what made their approach different:

It started early. Most programs wait until after the baby arrives, when couples are already overwhelmed. This program began in the third trimester, giving couples tools before the stress hit.

It was realistic about the challenges. Instead of pretending everything would be perfect, the sessions helped couples develop "balanced expectations" about what parenthood would really be like.

It focused on communication. Couples learned how to talk about their feelings, expectations, and needs—skills that become crucial when you're both exhausted and dealing with a crying baby.

It addressed both roles. The program didn't just prepare couples to be parents; it helped them figure out how to stay connected as romantic partners too.

The Results Were Striking

When the researchers compared couples who went through the program to those who didn't, they found something remarkable: both groups experienced a decline in relationship satisfaction after their baby was born (this seems to be inevitable), but the couples in the program had a much gentler, more manageable decline.

Think of it like this: instead of relationship satisfaction falling off a cliff, it went down a slope. That might not sound like much, but it's actually huge a gradual decline is something couples can adapt to and work with, rather than feeling blindsided by sudden relationship problems.

What Couples Actually Said

The feedback was overwhelmingly positive:

• 96% of participants found the sessions extremely, very, or moderately useful
• 91% enjoyed the sessions always or most of the time
• 100% would recommend the program to other expecting parents

One participant shared: "Most classes offered are centered around baby. These sessions allowed us to focus on our relationship which directly impacts our baby. I'm so grateful to have been a part of this!"

Another said: "It prompted us to have important conversations before our baby came, and then we were able to utilize skills learned after he came."

The Session That Made the Biggest Impact

Interestingly, when participants were asked which session helped them most, the winner was clear: conflict management and planning ahead. Learning how to disagree productively and set up "fair fighting rules" before the stress of new parenthood hit proved invaluable.

As one parent put it: "Really enjoyed learning ways to deal with conflict, stay connected as partners and parents."

Why This Matters Beyond Just Relationships

Strong relationships during the transition to parenthood aren't just nice to have—they're protective. Research shows that couples who stay connected during this period have:

• Lower rates of postpartum depression and anxiety
• Better immune system functioning
• Reduced stress hormone levels
• Lower risk of cardiovascular disease

Plus, about half of all long-term relationships that end do so within the first seven years—often not long after couples become parents.

The Takeaway

The researchers emphasize that becoming a parent will always involve some challenges and adjustments. But their work shows that with the right preparation and tools, couples don't have to experience the sharp relationship decline that catches so many new parents off guard.

"Prevention programs for expecting parents offer an important avenue of entry into mental health support with reduced mental health stigma at a time when openness to services is high," the researchers explain.

What You Can Do

While this specific program isn't widely available yet, the researchers hope it will be offered through OB-GYN offices, midwifery clinics, and family medicine practices in the future. In the meantime, expecting couples can focus on the key elements that made the program successful:

1. Have realistic conversations about what parenthood will actually be like
2. Develop communication skills for expressing needs and feelings
3. Learn conflict resolution strategies before you're sleep-deprived
4. Make plans for staying connected as romantic partners, not just co-parents
5. Connect with other expecting couples who understand what you're going through

The journey to parenthood doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship as you knew it. With preparation, communication, and realistic expectations, it can be the beginning of something even deeper and more meaningful.

Savell, S. M., Breeden, L. V., & Emery, R. E. (2025). Partners Now Parents: Supporting Couples During the Journey to Parenthood. Family Process, 64(1), e13097.