The main goal of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is to address emotional avoidance, the tendency to over-interpret thoughts literally, and difficulty in making and maintaining commitments to change.
When working with couples and families, acceptance isn't just seen as an internal psychological experience, it’s also viewed as a dynamic process between individuals. Acceptance involves how a person responds to their own thoughts or feelings and how these responses are received by others, whether they’re accepted or not. This can apply to anything from emotions to personal thoughts.
One way acceptance can manifest in relationships is by learning to tolerate distress. The focus here is on transforming the initial source of discomfort into something more manageable, shifting from stress to contentment. Accepting stress means living in a way that aligns with one’s values and increases the likelihood of achieving personal goals. At a basic level, acceptance also involves recognizing that a problem exists and understanding its relevance to the relationship.
Fruzetti and Iverson (2004) define acceptance with three key components: (1) being aware of the experience, (2) not solely focusing on changing the experience or the stimulus causing it, regardless of whether the experience is pleasant or unpleasant, and (3) having some understanding of how the experience relates to the triggering stimulus (Datillio 2010). They also describe two levels of acceptance: (1) balancing acceptance with change and (2) pure acceptance. The latter can range from simple tolerance to genuine or radical acceptance, where a negative experience is transformed into a neutral or even positive one.
These principles have been found to be particularly helpful for couples in conflict. Datillio suggests that acceptance work for couples should aim to foster emotional acceptance between partners. They recommend strategies like empathic joining to create an environment where partners naturally increase their emotional acceptance of one another (Datilio 2010).
Dattilio, F. M. (2010).Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A comprehensive guide for clinicians.The Guilford Press.
