Gottman discovered that couples heading toward divorce exhibited a higher level of negative emotional behavior and interactions compared to positive ones. He identified specific negative behaviors—such as complaint/criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—as the strongest indicators of a relationship’s eventual breakdown (Dattillio 2010).
Complaint/criticism: A complaint is an expression of disagreement or frustration about a specific issue, which can escalate into criticism. Over time, it becomes more judgmental, generalized, and blaming, especially after repeated attempts to address the issue.
Contempt: Contempt involves mockery, insults, sarcasm, or derision aimed at another person, suggesting their incompetence or absurdity. This can include disapproval, disdain, judgment, or belittling remarks.
Defensiveness: Defensiveness is a response aimed at protecting oneself from a perceived attack. This can manifest as denial of responsibility for a problem, counterattacking, or whining.
Stonewalling: Stonewalling occurs when the listener gives no feedback or response to the speaker, creating a figurative "wall" between them. Emotionally, the speaker may feel that the listener is detached, aloof, smug, hostile, disapproving, cold, or uninterested.
Dattilio, F. M. (2010).Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A comprehensive guide for clinicians.The Guilford Press.
