Renowned relationship expert John Gottman likens marriage to a bank account, where every positive interaction serves as a deposit, helping couples weather the inevitable withdrawals that come with conflict. Over time, a surplus of kindness, appreciation, and support creates a cushion, allowing partners to overlook or forgive occasional negative behaviours rather than retaliating in kind (Dattillio 2010).
This concept underscores the importance of investing in daily acts of love and connection like expressing gratitude, showing affection, and offering support. When couples consistently build their emotional reserves, they’re better equipped to navigate challenges without falling into a cycle of negativity. The takeaway? A thriving relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict altogether but ensuring that the deposits always outweigh the withdrawals.
My work as a psychologist has helped couples build their emotional reserves. I do believe that building on emotional reserves is quite important when you consider how many variables exist today that can take us away from investing in our relationships. Negativity can come from anywhere, but I do believe that consciousness and mindfulness can help with supporting the emotional reserve.
Dattilio, F. M. (2010).Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A comprehensive guide for clinicians.The Guilford Press.
