Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples break free from negative relationship patterns by focusing on emotional responses and deep-seated defenses. When couples experience distress, they often become stuck in rigid, self-reinforcing cycles of interaction, reacting to each other with emotional walls rather than vulnerability. I absolutely love the work that Sue Johnson has done in this area. I often use EFT in my work with couples and since I have been using it (probably 10 years now), I've seen so much emotional growth in my couples. EFT guides partners to lower their defenses and express their true feelings, fostering deeper emotional connections. Instead of remaining trapped in unhealthy patterns of reacting and withdrawing, couples learn how to communicate in ways that promote trust and understanding. Essentially, the more vulnerable you are the closer you will become- I truly believe this.
Rooted in attachment theory, EFT recognizes that in close relationships, whether in marriage or long-term partnerships, emotions often override logic. When people feel disconnected, they don’t just need practical solutions; they need to feel safe, heard, and valued. This approach differs from traditional cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), which focuses on rational negotiation and behaviour changes. EFT, on the other hand, sees relationships through the lens of emotional bonds rather than transactional exchanges.
By helping partners tap into their deeper emotions and attachment needs, EFT fosters stronger, more secure connections, turning emotional responses into a pathway for healing rather than conflict. When Sue would conduct live sessions with couples, it was truly magical to see. My work mimics her, and I am lucky enough to have received training in EFT that has now translated to many couples see success in counselling. This approach views relationships as a dynamic "dance," where each partner influences how emotions are expressed and processed. By recognizing and reshaping these interactions, EFT helps couples create healthier, more fulfilling connections built on emotional safety and openness (Johnson 2013).
References:
Johnson, S. M. (2013). Love sense: the revolutionary new science of romantic relationships. First edition. New York, Little, Brown and Company.
