Communication isn’t just about words. In relationships, actions, both big and small, can send powerful messages, even when nothing is said out loud. Many couples and families I have seen throughout my years as a psychologist struggle not only with poor communication but also with behaviours that unintentionally create tension or hurt feelings.
Everyday actions, whether positive or negative, can influence a relationship. Simple gestures, like helping with household chores or surprising a partner with a thoughtful gift, can strengthen a bond. On the other hand, forgetting an important date or consistently avoiding responsibilities can create frustration and distance. These behaviours may not involve direct conversations, but they still communicate emotions and intentions.
Research shows that people in struggling relationships tend to engage in more negative behaviours and fewer positive ones compared to those in healthier relationships (Datillio 2010). When negativity becomes a habit, conflicts escalate, and resentment builds. Couples in distress are also more likely to react to each other in ways that fuel further misunderstandings rather than working toward resolution.
Recognizing the impact of these subtle, nonverbal behaviours is an important step in improving relationships. Small changes—like showing appreciation, following through on commitments, and being mindful of how actions affect a partner—can make a significant difference in building trust and connection.
Since it’s Valentine's today, it may be wise to consider a kind gesture for your partner to help support your relationship.
Dattilio, F. M. (2010).Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A comprehensive guide for clinicians.The Guilford Press.
