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As a psychologist who offers couples counselling, men have long been socialized to look for solutions to problems. At times, this mentality can get in the way of working through problems in our relationships. Working with many couples, I have come to understand the importance of listening and reflecting and how important it is to validate and be present when someone is struggling. Sometimes, it's not about the solution; it's about listening and being there.

There will be times in your relationship when your partner struggles. Recognizing that two people can have different ways of managing a problem is essential when offering a perspective. We want to encourage our partners to express their feelings and be open. When we express our feelings, we often feel better, allowing us to validate and ease our frustration. Providing a setting for this is essential. Do it at a time when there are no distractions and your attention is entirely on the partner that needs support.

Yes, you will want to solve the problem for them, but most of the time, it's important to know that the person likely has the solution to their problem, and they want to be heard and listened to. This may mean refraining from giving suggestions until the person is ready to receive them. It may also mean refraining from blaming and criticizing your partner for what they have done—just be supportive.